Spiral

“What do we even do? Genuinely, what do we do?”

I asked my therapist this question a few days ago. I’m full of anger, anxiety, grief, and utter sadness.

“Will I ever be safe? Will I ever FEEL safe?”

I explained that I am increasingly fearful that I will never know what it’s like to truly feel safe. I’ve rarely felt it in my life and only for brief moments. I want to experience the feeling of safety so bad.

“I journal, I exercise, I eat, I meditate, I connect with nature, I do things I enjoy, I work toward my goals, I show up, I do the work, I pay bills, I handle my emotions, I drink water. I take my meds. I do everything and beyond what I’m supposed to do. I handle it all. What do I even do now?”

There is a point, where no amount of self work and reflection can fix the actual situations in the world that are causing the underlying constant overwhelm and anxiety.

My therapist rubbed the bridge of his nose, because he is also full of anger, anxiety, and grief over the events surrounding our world right now.

“I think the best thing you can do is make art.”

So here I am, making art again. Trying to connect to my self. Trying to connect to the earth. Trying to connect to my community.

Right now, one of the most powerful things we can do is continue to create.